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  • Emily Johnson

FIVE THINGS I LEARNED AS A PANDAS MOM IN 2020




I debated whether I had it in me to sit down and write the obligatory New Year’s Eve blog post.


I’m tired, I’m physically bruised on my forearms and legs from my child biting me and lashing me with a laptop cord, and I sit in my house that barely feels like a home.


I’m missing my other son who is temporarily living with my in-laws and I’m staring at a stack of hospital and utility bills wondering how much longer my business will survive.


I count the days until the next school meeting where I hope we can reach some resolution of so many issues.


I think about my elderly parents living alone with dementia and try not to let my mind run wild about their future.


It all sounds and feels so depressing… so very, very heavy.


And it is… but it is also not.


While 2020 has pushed so many of us to our darkest hours and drawn a heavy hood of grief over us; what I know is that many of us were able to find some light. And for me it was in that search for light that I learned a few things. So in no particular order ...


  1. I learned to create new, real relationships and mended damaged ones

  2. I learned to love and trust even deeper

  3. I learned to stand in the power that energy, nature, and food are medicines

  4. I learned that I can no longer walk or run away from our broken healthcare and educational systems

  5. I learned that at age 40 my life’s work is still only in the beginning chapters


I am grateful for the opportunities that 2020 presented to me and my family. While this has been the most painful experience of my life, aside from losing my brother, I would not choose to change it. I’ve met and been supported by some of the most amazing people during this excruciating year - from random members in my community to service providers that have had an intimate look into our lives. If you are reading this and you are one of those people - thank you.


There’s tremendous power in pain and while I’ve been human and let that energy consume me at times - each time I gain more awareness and insight about who I am and where I’m going.


Pain can be our compass; our Spirit our true north; and our physical body our guide.

2020 ... thank you.


2021 ... our time together will begin shortly.


May we continue learning all we can about ourselves and those around us.


May we move forward with less fear and more awareness.


I think we can - don’t you?


P.S. - If you want more information about PANDAS click here

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